Umami Burger

I have been putting off writing this post for months because I don’t think you’re going to like what I have to say.

I don’t think that Umami Burger is very good.

Even if you contend that one or more of the hamburgers on the menu are worthy of the gods, you have to admit that the place is overrated. Ever since Umami Burger opened, not a week  has passed without somebody asking if I tried it yet. So I finally hopped in the car, drove to 9th and La Brea and gave it a try. I even went back a second time the same week in order to check off more items from their menu. Over the course of two visits, I had…

The Port & Stilton Burger
The Umami Burger
The Truffle Burger
Hand Cut Fries
House Pickles
All of the condiments (Umami Ketchup, Dijon Mustard, House Spread, Roasted Garlic Aioli, and the House Relish)
Cake Monkey desserts

I’ll get back to the food in a minute. Let’s talk about the place.

Both visits were during the weekday lunch rush, and Umami appears to be doing just fine. By the time I was halfway through my meals, there were lines out the door. There are a total of about 10 tables – the dining room is relatively small. The design and vibe of Umami Burger is trendy, and the whole time I was there I felt like I was shopping for a pair of designer jeans rather than waiting for a hamburger. But the thing that really bothered me was…

Valet parking. Really? Because, like I said, I was there during the lunch rush twice, and street parking was no problem. Then I put it together. The trendy construction and design plus valet parking is custom-tailored to the indigenous L.A. Slimeball. Upon reflection, I must praise Umami Burger’s owners vision because they will probably fare quite well in this city by disguising a burger shack as an upscale lunch restaurant, but I personally find it off-putting. It was an uncomfortable place to eat – the vibe was all wrong.

Umami Burger has both table service for dining-in and a counter (above) for carry-out. All of the burgers are trimmed and ground fresh, and the rest of the menu is also made fresh on-site (with the exception of the Cake Monkey desserts that are made by a local pastry chef). The Port & Stilton Burger and The Umami Burger are fine. The chef has made some very interesting choices like roasted tomatoes instead of fresh and a parmesan crisp instead of a slice of cheese. Both burgers were good. I was really excited about the fries, but they were oily and soggy – not good at all. The house made pickles (including the relish) didn’t impress me, nor did their overly-fancy presentation on a long, rectangular platter. The ketchup was just bad. Everything was overpriced. I’m used to paying too much for a hamburger. After all, this is Los Angeles where even the Apple Pan, open since 1947, charges a ridiculous $6.50 for a steakburger (still the best burger in the whole city, by the way). But Umami’s $9.00 for a smallish hamburger is too much. Other menu items that I found pretty silly were the beverage choices. Look at this tiny bottle of Coke.

I’m normally the first person to decry giant buckets of convenience store soda, so in a way I appreciate smaller portions, but charging $2.50 for doll-sized beverages is not cool. While I was writing this post, I got thirsty and walked over to The Refresher (I’m at the Farmer’s Market as usual) where I bought this Diet Coke for $2.00.

Aaaaaahhhh. I know I’m starting to sound like a gumpy old man, so let me say something nice.

The Truffle Burger is amazing. It is truly a great burger. It’s one of the better hamburgers in the city.

But putting truffles on anything always seems a bit like cheating to me. Unfortunately, a dining experience cannot be measured by a single, noteworthy item on the menu. Great burger joints like The Apple Pan or Pie ‘n Burger are far more than the sums of their parts. If I have been overly-hard on Umami Burger, it’s only because so many of my fellow foodies have been so adamant about its greatness. And while I agree that Umami’s Truffle Burger is great, this restaurant never will be.